Today I am Unbroken

Hey everyone! I recently entered a scholarship contest for writing/activism and I need your help, please! Whoever gets the most votes for their essay will advance to the next round. Not only will they receive the scholarship, they will also be given the chance to have their “how you plan to use your education to help others” come true! This could mean me being able to bring my activism/awareness project to a bigger level, such as radio and television! If you would like to help, please go to the website below and click “vote.” Thank you and my heart goes out to all of you for whom I am still fighting. Stay strong and remember, hope lives in the ashes. ♥

http://www.wyzant.com/scholarships/v3/essay60564-Hot_Springs_National_Park-AR.aspx

Graceless addict, is that what I am? Addicted to its bittersweet agony, I crave its debauchery. Dare I claim I am happy, living life at my own will? Or do I say that I am lonesome, dusting off my boots a solitary thrill? Lonely miles it is travel, but complain I do not. For you see, I am content inside the misery of life, uncomfortable off of my knees. It is this discomfort of liberation, however, that I must learn to sustain. My prayers they come in haggard whispers, farther apart they seem to linger on my tongue, not daring to pass my throat. I try, I truly attempt with all my might to keep what I bestow, but pain attempts to induce me in a most seductive manner. Sometimes, It wins. Other times, I become the defeater, raining victoriously for all to witness.

Ha, I lark at the sordidness with which I write. For I wonder now, how could one being, so insignificant in regard to the billions who reside here, believe they are changing the world? Silence! I must stop this thought right here—it is not my own. It is the whisper of a dying voice within my head, the seductive pain with its masochistic lies. So long was it that I bowed to this demon, relishing in all its mendacities and falsehoods that played like broken records in my head. But I gave up this battle not long ago, gave it to the Sun that shines before me, who enwraps me in a bath of warm rays that flit like diamonds on my now porcelain skin. And the rain, it falls, like drips of immaculate renaissance. I am reborn each time I step beyond the walls of this two-story house, surrendering the control I seek to the Higher Power in which I have chosen to believe.

It tries to torture me with the mistake I made two days ago, seething its words of self-hatred and compunction at my feebleness in the face of the knife. It knows my distress with accepting inadequacy, failings, and all the other normalities of this entity called life. It knows where to raid when I am already wounded—It knows all of me entirely. Hitherto, I could not see that this monster is a liar, a dying agonizer of my mind. It is now that I believe, with all my being, that I have brought victory over this evil. I am reborn in the dawn of each day, casting my hope unto others with a luminous air. I am defectively unsullied, a wonderful creature in my Creator’s eyes. And this is something with which I have the most trouble believing wholly, but I am learning, one day at a time.

~ by candyshele1204 on September 13, 2012.