If I were Invisible, Would my Soul Still Seem so Dark?

“I wish that I could walk through a picture window and have the sharp, broken shards slash me to ribbons so I will finally look like I feel.”

Sometimes, I wish I wasn’t so good at faking. I wish that I wasn’t held up here on this stupid pedestal, presented with the challenge of appearing much more than I will ever be. I wish that the judgmental stares and rumors would subside, so that I no longer had to live this facade of a life. It’s one of those days..those troubling days..where my suicidal-depression and ED voices are devouring what little hope I still grasp here in my perpetual vulnerability. Addiction is calling out to me with a debauched tongue, presenting me with all the methods I use to fill this void. Yet, still I will hold on, because I cannot let go yet..I have to fight, because I have no choice anymore.

~ by candyshele1204 on March 14, 2012.

10 Responses to “If I were Invisible, Would my Soul Still Seem so Dark?”

  1. I am going to the funeral today of my 22 year old nephew. Please stay the course. Call someone and reach out for help or go to a meeting. I don’t want another life to be taken. The pain the family is going through is unbearable. You are so loved. xoxo

  2. You can and will get through this. You are absolutely not alone. ❤

  3. You can not let go yet… You have to fight…
    And just living like a ragged doll should not be the choice you adopt for yourself. Be happy… Be a part of the world.
    I know its difficult but who said- life is gonna be easy.
    So what if it is difficult, live your life with your own ideas, your ideals- make this life a pleasant experience.
    This life must not be wasted… it must be loved and taken care of like a small child, demanding your full attention and your full determination.

    • You are absolutely correct, this I am of full awareness. Happiness is a choice, as is recovery. It is one that I, and only I, can make. I have to keep my faith in times like this, and look forward to the possibility of a beautiful life ahead.

  4. It’s so important that you do use your experience to help others, no one knows better than others who suffer.

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